


Honey Is Actually Bee Vomit, Fancy That!

by Denshi_Alpha



Category: Gintama
Genre: Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-20
Updated: 2013-04-20
Packaged: 2017-12-09 01:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/768318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Denshi_Alpha/pseuds/Denshi_Alpha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a regular morning after. Or as regular as it can get in Gintama.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honey Is Actually Bee Vomit, Fancy That!

**Author's Note:**

> Written for GinZura Advent prompt at ginzura @LJ

It was barely dawn, and Gintoki was not sleeping. A grave social injustice, he thought. Especially because the cause of his wakefulness was peacefully snoring right beside him, cocooned in a blanket so that only his long dark hair was visible.

Gintoki grabbed a handful of that hair and pulled: ‘Wake up, Zura! You have to leave!’

There was no answer, not even the obligatory ‘It’s not Zura!’ The stupid wig-head was sleeping like a baby. Well, taking into account his general level of cuteness (very low) and his intellect (nonexistent), that would be a baby platypus or something equally grotesque.

Gintoki ungently poked the Zura-shaped lump under the blanked and said again: ‘Wake up Zura! Elizabeth is here to pick you up!’

Unbelievable, but it worked – Katsura emerged from under the blanket with an absolutely tragic case of bed hair.

‘Elizabeth?’ he asked hoarsely, then cleared his throat and said: ‘I need to use your shower, Gintoki.’

‘Aaah? My shower? What are you going to use it for?’ Gintoki asked. A perfectly valid question, since Zura had insisted on having a shower yesterday night too. Kind of pointless, since they were going to get sweaty anyway. But that was Zura for you, No Common Sense was his middle name. Not literally, but it should have been.

‘For washing, of course. You should try it sometimes, it might help your hair condition,’ Katsura said it with his usual blank expression, but Gintoki knew him well enough to tell that somewhere in the back of that tiny Zura brain miniature copies of Zura in rappers’ outfits were doing fist bumps and going ‘Sick burn, man!’ – ‘You said it, bro!’

‘You didn’t object to me being dirty last night,’ Gintoki leered, and Zura looked slightly embarrassed. Watch and learn, Zura, sarcasm and wit look like that, Gintoki thought.

‘Anyway, you have no time for showering, shaving your legs, braiding your hair, or whatever you do in the bathroom for so long. You have to leave before Kagura wakes up,’ Gintoki continued.

Katsura pursed his lips and made his best Mother-is-upset expression: ‘It would be much simpler if you just told her that occasionally we sleep together. I disapprove of this sneaking around.’

‘You’re just a genius, aren’t you? How am I supposed to say it? Tell her about the birds and bees first? There is no way I’m doing that, it’s her father’s job!’ Gintoki protested.

Katsura was about to mention that Leader was worldly and experienced, and surely she knew that some birds liked to do it with birds or with bees. And Gintoki was her very much like her surrogate father. But he did not manage to interject because Gintoki continued.

‘And if I tell her you’re just staying here overnight, she’ll think we are having a pyjama party and will sit here and insist that we play games, and we’ll never get laid again!’

Katsura wanted to object, but Gintoki was on a roll.

‘I bet you want me to tell Shinpachi, too! Oh, fantastic! The last thing I need is him getting ideas about sex. He already has more calluses from choking the weasel than he has from kenjutsu practice! Maybe tell the old hag, while we’re at it? I’ll be made the laughing stock of Kabuki-cho!!’

Suddenly the bedroom door was kicked open, and Kagura stomped in.

‘Shut up, aru! Everyone already knows you’re Zura’s uke, and you have always been the laughing stock, aru!’

She looked at the flabbergasted Gintoki and the flummoxed Zura and said: ‘Keep it down, aru! I’ll go sleep some more, aru...’

She left.

‘Everybody knows?’ Gintoki was shocked. ‘Who’s everybody? Even the girls at the bar?! I thought they were cold to me lately...’

‘That’s because you’re always broke,’ Katsura remarked. ‘Now that the issue has been settled, I suppose I will take my leave.’

‘Whatever, don’t come back,’ Gintoki grumbled.

Katsura gathered his clothes, and all the while heard Gintoki mumble things like ‘Nah, he doesn’t know’ or ‘Damn, she totally knows!’

Katsura left without goodbye. Gintoki seemed too preoccupied, besides, they would soon meet again anyway. They usually did. Katsura could not think of a good analogy, but it was probably something about birds and bees. Some birds liked nectar and all bees like nectar, so in the end nobody could say no to some sweet stuff.

Katsura shook his head – now that was an unrefined analogy. He decided to act like a proper samurai and write a haiku about that.

Omake

\- There you are, Elizabeth! Why didn’t you wait for me this morning?  
[Eh?]  
\- Are you, perhaps, jealous at Gintoki?  
[Eh??]  
\- Do not be distressed, you will always be my trusty friend and comrade!  
[Ok, I guess?]  
\- And I would ask you to be discreet about the whole thing, Gintoki seems to be experiencing some emotional turmoil.  
[I don’t know what you’re talking about.]  
\- Well done, Elizabeth, denial is a great strategy!

~The end~


End file.
